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So, I haven’t posted anything new in awhile. But other than the usual internal chaos, nothing new to report anyway.

Fighting some allergy or something. If it’s a cold, it’s very atypical as I don’t feel congested, feverish. I’m just sneezing and coughing A LOT. The cough is a dry wheeze and nothing is ever coming from it… I was home over the weekend and by Sunday everything had cleared. Within hours of being back, it resumed. But it’s worse at work than at the house. My allergy theory seems to be validated, but maybe I’m just allergic to the place. I ended up leaving work early today. Crashed out and read awhile and did laundry (last load in dryer now).

Friday night saw Serenity. Loved the thing, damnit… I say damnit because the box office numbers are not good… Unless it gets unbelievable word of mouth, the franchise is probably dead. It’s a bit too much like history repeating. Just a few years ago, I was watching the TV series it’s based on die… And right on the heels of that, my grandmother passed.. It was a dark time all around… It was also more or less the end of my regular TV viewing. I haven’t made an incredible effort these days to actually sit down to watch a show – so much so that I often question the continued cable expense… So, here’s my plea, if you haven’t seen Serenity and you’re a fan of quality sci fi, go see it! If you have seen it, go again – I shall!

Ah, and the continuing internal struggle. I have to say it dominates much of my waking life. Work has had me both bored and stressed out of late. I look for satisfaction with my life and find it lacking. I’m tired of the 9 to 5 sitting at a desk deal. I’m tired of shipping project after project. And I bizarrely find myself almost becoming a technophobe. On one hand, I comprehend what I need to about the new system we’re using, but on the other, I find myself wanting to shoot people as they spout out the neverending spew of new jargon.

Yet after getting a promotion and THREE raises this year, I’m hard-pressed of late to seriously consider going elsewhere.. Maybe I’m short-changing myself, but I find it hard to believe I could easily get a similar situation salary-wise elsewhere. And would it matter? I suspect to continue or exceed my current salary, it would be a job based on my current experience – so same job more or less somewhere else… And the point would be?

I think in a bizarre way, this is leading to a general feeling of self-defeat. I’ve more or less convinced myself that I need to stay where I am and finish paying off the student loan as fast as reasonably possible. The only exception, and I’m at a loss how this would work out, would be if I could find a job that either involves travel or is overseas. In that scenario, if I could pay my way and continue to erode the student loan, I suspect I’d drop it all and go… I don’t see it happening, but I guess you never know when opportunity might knock.

And in some sort of strange feedback loop, this indecision has affected travel plans. For a good few weeks now I’ve toyed with the idea of Italy for New Year’s. Each weekend, I convince myself that it’s better to hold off on travel for the spring and use that money towards the aforementioned student loan. And then, as soon as the work week commences, I once again find myself searching airfares. Today, I yo-yo’d between Italy and Scotland (Highlands this time). Ultimately, one less trip in the year ahead WOULD make a dent in the debt… even as cheaply as I travel, airfare alone is a dent… So, will the sensible side or the side seeking something else in the world win out?

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